My Life..

When I was very little around the age of five till I was around 10 I was raped by two of my older brothers and there friends and my Mom's friends more then once. I can't say I knew what they were doing, but I can't say I didn't know eaither. I can hardly remember it. I don't know if they told me not to tell anyone,  or forced me to do it, or how it even started, and don't know why I didn't tell anyone. I wanted to tell someone, I tryed but no one would listen long enough for me to spit it out. I still havent told anyone from this day it stay and haunts me. I don't understand how my older brothers can live with that, rapping there own sister and still being able to look me in the eye and tell me that they love me.

My whole life I haven't lived a every great life, I've never had a room or bed if I did I shared with someone. I mostly slept in my parents bed and from this day I still do, 16 and sleeping in your parents bed (not cool). We lived in a rat infested trailer in the middle of know where. My Dad was never around, he was always away at work. My Mom she didn't work or Drive so she mostly stayed home. Until She got into stealing, doing drugs and started having sex with guys for money here we call it being a (Hocker). She wasn't a Hocker, doing drugs and stealing for very long, I was probly eight when she started and twelve when she ended. When this ended though we had many homeless staying at our house even though we didn't even have enough room for us.

I was very quite and didn't talk about my personal life so I didn't have very many friends, there were a lot of kids that wanted to be my friend but I wouldn't let them into my life because they didn't know what they were getting them selve into. It's not like I could bring them home to my house it was a mess and hardly even a house, when you walk your foot sometimes goes right through the floor because of the rain leaking from the roof. When I got into grade six I had lots of friends everyone wanted to be my friend and didn't know why but apparently I was cool. Everyone wanted to come to my house and I had to make up excuses like "My Mom is sick so she doesn't want anyone coming over and getting sick to", so I would mostly end up going to their house.

I never let a guy touch me for the longest time after everything that had happend, but I new I wanted a family when I was young. I wanted to have two kids and husband and to be married and living with each other, I wanted to be one step a head of everyone else. Once I got older, I got really stressed and couldn't live with my parents anymore so I moved in with my aunt. I met a boy there that I already new before and we hit it off, he was one year older then me. We had sex six months into the relationship but it was weird, I never wanted to be touch again after. A couple months past and I desided I was going to move home but on the night before I left I spent the night at his place once more time, a couple weeks after that I fainted at work and went to the doctor and found out I was pregnant. I was so excited I decided I was going to keep it. If it was a boy I would name it Bentley and if a girl I would name it Sophia. I never told my boyfriend till I got really sick and I went to the hosbital and found out I lost the baby. It was a very hard time for us, We lived so far away from each other and we couldn't be there, when we needed each other most. I felt like I lost the most important thing in my life because it was part of me and my bestfriend/boyfriend the person I loved and under stood me most in my life.

After I lost the baby, everything started getting even more stressful so I quiet school cause I couldn't have everything I had to deal with. I knew it was the worst thing I could do and everyone didn't understand why but they didnt know what I was going through so I ignored everyone in my life. The only person that understood was my boyfriend even though he was still going to school. Everything was getting even more stressful every day and my Mom's friend was stressed as well and he got really angry one day and beat the crap out of me and I had a black eye and was all beat up. After that happend I knew I couldn't go back there so I started living with my Dad but it was really hard cause he was always out of town traveling for work so I was on my own, until my brother moved home and got really drunk one day and want to have sex with me and I told him no so he beat me up so I knew I couldn't go back there eaither. I was homeless and it was getting even more stressful.

I didn't know how to get rid of all the stress in my life but I found a cear when I heard this boy singing on youtube his name was (Justin Bieber) I know everyone hates him but it was that helped me through the ups and downs in my life. Then he got really famous and he was coming to my town, so I bought tickets. I went to the concert and it was the best day of my life all the stress and the bad things in my life were gone for that hole day it was amazing. That one song (Down to earth) it makes me cry everytime I listen to it even though it's my favorite song. It kind of reminds me of my life. Justin Bieber is from a small town and he didn't have a very easy life eaither and I had the same kind of thing in my life so that gives me hope that some day soon things are going to shape up. Justin's parents also divorced when he was a baby, He lived with his Mom that was hardly around because she had to work many jobs to keep food on the table, they lived in low income housing and he didn't have a bed room, He had a bedroom at his Grampa and Grandma's house.

About My Blogger..

I've created this blog because I want to speak for all the people in the world that are having a ruff time in there lifes. I am sixteen and trying to find my self, in my very very extremely complicated life. I know that i'm not the only person who's had or having a ruff time in there life, it doesn't matter how old you are everyone can relate to this consept in life.